Up the Tree

!http://www.upthetree.com/wp-uploads/jerry.jpg(jerry)!

bq. *Ree:* Have you seen Jerry Lewis recently? He looks bad.
*FB:* No, but the last time I saw him he was really fat.
*Ree:* Maybe he has some sort of disease or something?
*FB:* Yeah, the Fatty-Fat Pants disease.

From then on, whenever we would talk about people being fat, or ourselves feeling fat we referred to it as _the Jerry Lewis Disease._

Currently I am suffering from a mild case of _the Jerry Lewis Disease…_ I think it’s time to hit the gym more than once in a blue moon as my current work out routine has been. So I guess now I have to set up a target goal or something? How about I agree to loose an Olsen Twin’s worth of weight? That can’t be more than 20 pounds, right?

!http://www.upthetree.com/wp-uploads/olsen_deep_throat2.jpg(Olsen)!

!(photo)http://www.upthetree.com/wp-uploads/IMG_1248.jpg(bench in Dumbo park)!

!(photo)http://www.upthetree.com/wp-uploads/IMG_1667.jpg(postboard in Philly)!

Still here, although after a particularly bleary night out, I got the hiccups and decided to perform my unflappable hiccup cure with unexpected results.

h4. Funtime Ben’s Unflappable Hiccup Cure(R)

* Slice of lemon
* Sugar to taste

Bite on that sunva-bitch. There, that’s it - your hiccups are gone… *if not seek medical attention.*

So, while preparing my unflappable hiccup cure I inadvertently (almost) sliced the tip of my left index finger off. Oh god it was a tense few minutes as my hypochondriac upbringing kicked in.

bq. “I need a chair! I think you should call the hospital I feel dizzy. Wait, I’m feeling better.”

Funtime Diane rushed about the house fashioning me bandages and turnakits from unused newspapers and paperclips McGyver style! I could tell you all about the 45 minutes where I was bleeding all over our kitchen, but instead I’ll flash forward to right now where I advise if you’re going to cut a month old lemon with a tough skin with a dull fillet knife… don’t.

Thank you for your time.
_This has been a public service announcement from_

_keepfilletknivesawayfromdrunkpeople.com_

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!(photo)http://www.upthetree.com/wp-uploads/IMG_1535.jpg(Keysmade)!